Anonymous love

Engineering  and  mathematics  go  hand  in  hand.  But  amusingly  that's  not  the  case  with engineering  students.  And  the  universities  in  India  seem  to  be  in  love  with  these  subjects much  of  which  is  total  waste  of  energy.  Sometimes  some  good  occurs  amidst  all  the negatives.  But  here  it  was  not  just  good  but  beautiful  too.  To  cut  the  chase  short  ,  it  was  due to me,  being weak in maths, made me realise that I could be in love with someone.  Mumbai  university  has  always  had  a  thing  for  maths  3  subject  in  our  second  year  of engineering.  And  people  then  suddenly  realise  that  the  joy  and  merry  ride  to  engineering  is going  to  take  a  turn  for  the  worse.  Barely  escaping  the  embarrassment  of  KT  in  maths  2  ,I thought  it'd  be  better  for  me  to  join  a  class  for  M3(maths  3).  So  I  did  join  a  private  tutor  in vicinity  of  my  place.  I  joined  a  little  bit  late  and  the  people  in  my  batch  were  already  too ahead  of  me  ,  making  an  ever  difficult  subject  more  difficult  to  get  hold  of.  But  I  was progressing  steadily.  That's  the  most  modest  way  to  put  it.  Little  did  I  know  that  there  was going to be someone who was still late to recognize the troubles with the maths subject.  Monsoon  was  knocking  at  the  doors  and  winds  were  going  from  cold  to  colder.  These  things never  bothered  me  because  usually  I  hated  monsoon.  I  was  a  hyperactive  knucklehead person  and  monsoon  is  a  season  for  procrastinators.  Don't  be  judgemental  I  said  USUALLY. It  was  my  third  week  in  classes  and  I  entered  the  class  soaked  in  rain  but  today  sir  told  me  to sit  alone  for  a  moment  cause  I  was  going  to  have  a  company.  I  almost  broke  in  to  a  burst  of laughter  but  the  just  smiled.  It  was  stupid  of  me  to  join  the  class  late  but  I  was  about  to  see  a dumber version of me. The  white  door  of  the  class  opened  and  shrill  voice  filled  with  humility  was  asking  permission to  enter  the  class  and  also  apologising  for  being  late.  ENTER  THE  FAIRY.  I  didn't  bother  to look  up  cause  Laplace  was  already  devouring  my  neurons  like  noodles  in  ramen.    She  did  as instructed  and  sat  next  to  me.    Seemed  like  it  wasn't  her  preferred  position  but  being  in  my batch and late to join she had to make do with my assistance for her maths 3 doubts.  I  looked  at  her  as  I  skidded  inwards  towards  the  wall  on  the  common  bench  that  we  were about  to  share.  Eyes  browner  than  me.  Height  shorter  than  me.  Long  haired  and  face highlighted  by  a  huge  smile  and  no  make  up.  Yup  that's  her  well  I'm  kinda  running  out  of words  to  describe  her  but  all  I  can  say  for  sure  that  I  guessed  her  to  be  honest  and  beautiful. She  had  glasses  which  indicated  that  she  probably  was  a  binge  reader.  She  started  solving her problems one by one and soon caught up to me the next week.  We never  talked  much  except  for  she  asking  maths  doubt.  But  we  did  share  some  light jokes.  All  of  a  sudden  the  same  maths  seemed  to  become  more  interesting  and  before  I knew  it  I  was  already  looking  forward  to  attending  the  classes  every  weekend.  May  be  the maths  was  going  easy  on  me.  Or  may  be  I  was  getting  good  at  it.  Or  may  be  someone solving  alongside  me  was  giving  me  more  confidence.  Whatever  the  reason,  I  was  improving quickly  alongside  her.  The  funny  thing  is  that  it  was  already  two  weeks  and  I  didn't  know  her name.  But  it  didn't  matter  as  I  enjoyed  her  company.  So  I  decided  to  ask  her  next  week  we met. Suddenly the fast and furious weekend seemed to go slower than what it normally does. Well my nerdy mind was still thinking of possible ways of asking her name without making it awkward, trying all kinds permutations and combinations of so called past proven techniques but Monday somehow never wanted to go soon to make way for Tuesday which my much awaited day of M3 classes.
Finally it was Tuesday and I entered the class, not with usual cursing but with anticipation of something good to happen. Anticipation of a beautiful journey to start. Anticipation of a relationship to bloom. There was something usual which was her coming late as always. So I'd have to wait for her to arrive. Well call it laziness or procastination but patience was always my forte. After sometime when the tutor saw me doing nothing he asked me to start with the problems. He further added that from now on I'll be doing these problems alone and that the girl has left the classes.
My heart sank. I dropped my head in the notes trying to comprehend what had happened. The game of predictions began in my head. I even started to find solutions for various probabilities that might have occurred with her to leave the classes. Still I knew in back off my mind that the fact of the matter was that she was never gonna come back. Somehow my heart felt the other way. I was way more optimistic that what an engineer is. Yeah we're trained that in order to make machines one needs to become the machine. Or probably we think too much but we just cannot look beyond the facts.
It was already time and even the little bit of optimism I had was shattered to smitherines. I began cursing myself as to how idiot can one be not to ask the name in two weeks but then a counter thought crossed that may be it was something so beautiful that even names had lesser priority. Anyways in the end I had lost. Lost in the shadows of my own glory of being an engineer. It all ended before it could've even started.